RISQUÉ

A good while ago, I was fortunate enough to know Alfred Vanderbilt, who was the main owner in the stable that I worked at. He was a very important owner, not least because he paid his invoices by return! His loyal patronage was very reassuring to a public stable with a fluid owner base. He was a tremendous advocate for horseracing and a genuinely passionate owner, who used to come to the track and watch morning exercise more often than he would not. He held many positions in racing authorities and the sport could not help but prosper with the commitment of people such as Mr Vanderbilt. His lasting legacy was Native Dancer, whom he bred and who is virtually omnipresent in today's pedigrees. He once said: ‘If I had gelded every colt that I had ever owned, I would only have made one mistake.’ What a mistake that would have been! A reminder to devotees of algorithms and statistics, that it is the organic exception that we should all be looking for: the horse in one hundred thousand and not the reassuring data that offers the promise of something above average.

I recommend that readers learn a little more about this turf luminary by reading his citation on the website of The Racing Hall of Fame. I will not provide a hyperlink for the lazy, if you are interested you will find your way there and hopefully digress once absorbed in it.

One characteristic of Mr Vanderbilt’s horses was the salacious humour with which he named them. During my time there we had inmates called Grope (TV Commercial ex Footsie) and Ogle (Oh Say ex Low Cut.) Low Cut herself was by The Axe out of Show Off and bred a colt by Distinctive Pro called Gash. Best of all, when he sent Grope to a stallion called Fred Astaire, she produced a foal that he named Grab Gingerly. This must have given him exquisite pleasure, as he had lost out to Fred Astaire when they were vying for the affections of apprentice jockey Robyn Smith.

I write this preamble only in an attempt to legitimise the article. It occurred to me that stray browsers and those who accuse me of using ten-dollar adjectives may be attracted to the simple headline. In the unfortunately thin atmosphere of political correctness which pervades modern society many of the names above would have been spiked by the authorities, but they are mild compared to some of those that were approved historically. All contributions gratefully received!

Bodacious Tatas (Distinctive Pro – Key to Paree)

Minge Cove (Sandpit – Gypsy Miss)

Slap and Tickle (Greek Bachelor – Ferns)

Cleavage (Hillandale – Divided)

Cuddle Up (Stimulus - Hold Me)